As my friend is planning his engagement party, he is starting to realized how hard it is to set the perfect date that will accommodate everyone’s schedule, getting people together, and making a reservation at the restaurant.
My advice for him was, forget the people who cannot make it. You simply cannot accommodate every single person in our life. As long as you got your close family and friends or at least the majority of them that’s good enough. Besides this is just an engagement party.
As I go through this journey with him, as he finalizes the last few details…telling our friends when the engagement dinner is going to be, I began to get questions from our friends: “are we suppose to pay for the couple?”… “are we suppose to bring gifts?” … and comments such as: “i have no clue what to do, this is my first engagement dinner, just tell me what you need or want me to do.”
It’s not until those questions are brought up when I realized, man there are a lot of people out there who may not know Engagement dinner / party etiquettes! So here I am writing a post answering people’s questions and hope that for the next engagement party they’ll know what to do!
Q: What’s the purpose of an engagement party?
A: To sum it up… it more like the guy pops the question, the girl says “yes”..together they say ” let’s celebrate!” hence an engagement party. Traditionally, an engagement dinner is where the parents from both side finally meet each other formally. Now it’s really up to you how you want to host it.
Q: so who host the engagement dinner/ party?
A: Western Culture – the bride’s side; Eastern Culture – the groom’s side. And in some cases the friends or close family hosts the party for the couple. But in all reality, it doesn’t matter. As the years go by, traditions are slowly fading.
Q: Should the guests bring gifts for the couple?
A: Traditionally gifts are not given at an engagement party because this is a party to announce an engagement; the guests predominantly don’t know it is an engagement announcement party. Besides if gifts were to be given during engagement parties, what are you going to get them on their wedding day? While traditionally guests have not brought presents to this event, increasing numbers do today. So I suggest you talk amongst your friends and decide whether a gift should be bought or not.. perhaps all friends can chip in on something.
In conclusion, tradition is a changing. So I advice just play it by ear and see what happens. Just remember to be clear on your intentions and your expectations.
And remember, engagement party doesn’t need to be fancy. I told my friend the same thing. I know how much he wants to make this night memorable and unforgettable for his fiancé, but I reminded him not to over do it – this isn’t the main event (aka the wedding day). So try to create a different mood for the engagement party. There was an engagement party I have attended, the guy proposes to the girl at some place, meanwhile back at the girl’s house all families and friends gathered as we all waited for the newly engaged couples to come back home. So it was a surprise for the bride and the groom did the planning. But we each brought some dessert / finger foods and just congratulated them. It was nice and they were able to celebrate their engagement with close families and friends.
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