So to avoid the flooded phone calls asking “can i bring a +1?” or “can i bring my kids?” Why don’t we just make the invitation clear to the point but in a sophisticated way?

First thing’s first: invitation should be sent out 6 to 8 weeks prior to the wedding date. This will give plenty of time for the guests to arrange their busy schedule to attend your wedding. This also gives you 2-3 weeks before your wedding date to get the final head count and make final seating arrangements for the reception.

If for some reason, you did not receive an RSVP from your guest, give them a call and make sure.  Yes, I know this may sound double work, but trust me this will relieve some stress and you’ll get an instant confirmation from those guest who may have forgotten to RSVP, or thought they didn’t need to RSVP since they’re not attending, OR maybe their mail got lost.

DO be clear when addressing your wedding invitations:

1. If you plan to invite your friend and a guest, the invitation should be addressed to your friend’s name and Guest (if you know the name of the your friend’s +1, include it). You should always find out the name of the significant other, that way your friend won’t just bring a random friend. Now, most guest will understand that without “and Guest” or Guest’s name on the invitation, means the invite is only for them alone. This is important for wedding couples to make it clear especially if you’re going to have a small intimate wedding ceremony / reception. You’re not going to allow everyone to bring a +1, unless it’s a fiance or a serious significant other.  If some clueless friend decides to RSVP for a +1 anyway and you’re in a budget or even limited space, simply call them up and explain that you’re having an intimate wedding and unfortunately you are not able to invite everyone with a guest. All guests should understand that.

2. Same for families; if you plan to invite, for example: Mr. and Mrs. Smith and their 3 children, then the address should be addressed to The Smith’s Family, or you can list out all of there names. If you decide against having children at your ceremony or reception simply include a line that states ‘adult-only ceremony’ inside your invitations.

Remember, for whatever decision you make – whether to allow children or not, for guests to bring +1 or not. Once you make the decision, you should apply that decision for all guests. No exception.

FYI: Guests who are present at your bridal shower and/ or engagement party should be invited to your wedding because they’ve already given you a gift. Showers and engagement parties are gift-giving opportunities and guests that are invited to these but excluded from your wedding will assume they were only invited because you wanted a gift. If you don’t want a guest at your wedding then don’t invite them to your shower or engagement party.

Technorati Tags: wedding invitation etiquette

Photo Credit: Victor Sizemore

Today,  a friend of mine asked me: “hey, is it okay to ask the bride/groom if I can bring a +1 to their wedding?”

I’m sure many of us have wondered about that. Is the invitation open to +1 or is it only for you? Is it proper wedding etiquette to ask if you can bring a +1?

Well in my opinion it all depends on certain situation.

Scenario 1: if the invitation states:  ” __ of 1 will be attending” that is obvious that you can’t bring a +1. Therefore, I would not ask the bride / groom.

Scenario 2: if the invitation provides you a spot where you can insert the # of guests, or if it says “Name(s)_______ [followed by check boxes to attend or not]” then yes, I would ask the bride / groom if they’re okay with +1.

In most cases, the bride and groom should have make it clear as to whether you can bring a +1 or not. If they do allow +1, you’ll definitely see something like “___ of 2 will be attending” . Or it will address to you and your significant other.

It never hurt to ask, the worst thing that can happen is hearing a “no” as an answer; and do prepare for a “no” answer.   Please keep in mind that 1 extra seating will cost them extra money. So if you do decide to ask the couple, ask them in a way where they won’t feel obligated to say “yes”.

And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with going to a wedding alone. Many times, I hear people dreading to go to wedding because they don’t have a date.  And to me I don’t get it; I don’t understand why you must bring a date to a wedding. To me, if you go alone, you’ll have your other friends / coworkers to hang out with. Or maybe this will give you a chance to meet other single people!

Agree or Disagree? Feedbacks are welcome!!

Technorati Tags: Wedding Etiquette

Photo Credit: www.jessicaclaire.net

As much as we love attending bridal showers, do you know how much stuff goes on behind the scene? Finding the location / venue that will accommodate the number of guests; picking the perfect date that will be suitable for the bride and the guests; decoration; food; invitation; party favors; and most importantly what does the bride want for a bridal shower. It doesn’t help if the bride says “i don’t know” or “it doesn’t matter”. It’ll be nice for the bride to tell the Maid of Honor or whoever is planning the shower what kind of stuff the bride wants to do. But if you do encounter a bride who has no opinion or is too busy with other wedding stuff and has no time to think, and who’s going to pay for this big event? If all these thoughts apply to you, well then hopefully this Q/A post will help!

Who should plan the bridal shower?
Traditionally it’s the Maid of Honor’s (MOH) responsibility to organize the bridal shower and the bridesmaids to help the MOH.  But nowadays, I’ve seen other close friends / family members of the bride help plan a bridal shower. Or even have multiple bridal showers: a close cousin or any relative may host one for immediate family only; a co-worker may host one for the bride with other co-workers; and a close friend may host one for close friends only, and the list goes on. Some times it’s better that way because you won’t have to worry about who pays for what. Because it’s separated in different groups, they can coordinate on their own. Less stress for the MOH, in my opinion.

When do you have your bridal shower?
One to two months before the wedding date is good. Don’t try to have less than a month before the wedding  - it’ll be hard for the bride since she’ll be busy with the wedding stuff. Just make sure that the bride can make it since it’s a bridal shower FOR the bride. And once you know the date, let the guests know as soon as possible so that they can arrange their schedule.

Who should be invited to the bridal shower?
Aside from the MOH and the bridesmaids, the following should be invited to the bridal shower: grandmothers of the bride & groom, the mother of the bride & groom, sisters of the bride & groom,  any close relatives of the bride, and close friends. (i would suggest you ask the bride who she wants to invite). Remember, it is rude to invite someone to the bridal shower but not to the wedding day.

Are men allowed to the bridal shower?
Traditionally, no.

Where should the bridal shower be located?
This will depends on your budget and availability if you’re looking into a venue.  You may also want to consider if you want decoration / party supplies for the bridal shower (sometimes keeping it simple is just as good, no need to go all crazy w/ the decorations). If you’re in a tight budget, don’t have it in a restaurant or in a big venue. Nowadays, many bridal showers are held at someone’s house and finger foods are being served. I also know a few friends who had their bridal shower at a park and they did a picnic thing.

Who pays for the bridal shower?
This should be decided before you organize it. Those hosting the event should pay. Now if the bride knows about it and she wants to have a wedding shower, the bride’s family can pay for it too. One rule for sure is that you don’t expect the guests to pay for anything at the shower; the food, tip, room rental, and any other expenses are the responsibility of the hostess and bridesmaids.

Should it be a surprise?
This is optional. If you do make it a surprise, make sure you get that list of who the bride wants to see. And make sure that you have a convenient date and time for the bride-to-be.

How long should the shower last?
The shower usually last 2-4hours.

Are favors necessary?
No. Favors are mementos. It’s nice to have it to give it out, but it’s not required.

What are bridal shower gifts?
Bridal shower gifts doesn’t replace wedding gifts. Gifts for bridal shower are usually less expensive than wedding gifts.  If you’re close friends w/ the bride, you can give out gag gifts. I had a friend who attended a bridal shower and she gave the bride dishwasher detergent, mop, and gloves just to remind her that she’ll start doing all the cleaning now that she’s someone’s wife. Some would give out sexy lingeries. So it’s up to you. Unless they have a gift registry, then I guess you can get something from the registry.

When should I sent the bridal shower invitation? and what information should I include?
In order to give the people a chance to get time off or arrange their schedule, you should send the invitation one month before the event. The invitation should include:
-  Bride’s Name
- Date & Time of the bridal shower (beginning and end time)
- Address where the shower will be held
- Name and contact info. of the hostess
- if there is one, Theme of the shower
- RSVP deadline

Technorati Tags: bridal shower, etiquette

My advice for him was, forget the people who cannot make it. You simply cannot accommodate every single person in our life. As long as you got your close family and friends or at least the majority of them that’s good enough. Besides this is just an engagement party.

As I go through this journey with him, as he finalizes the last few details…telling our friends when the engagement dinner is going to be, I began to get questions from our friends: “are we suppose to pay for the couple?”… “are we suppose to bring gifts?” … and comments such as: “i have no clue what to do, this is my first engagement dinner, just tell me what you need or want me to do.”

It’s not until those questions are brought up when I realized, man there are a lot of people out there who may not know Engagement dinner / party etiquettes! So here I am writing a post answering people’s questions and hope that for the next engagement party they’ll know what to do!

Q: What’s the purpose of an engagement party?

A: To sum it up… it more like the guy pops the question, the girl says “yes”..together they say ” let’s  celebrate!” hence an engagement party. Traditionally, an engagement dinner is where the parents from both side finally meet each other formally.  Now it’s really up to you how you want to host it.

Q: so who host the engagement dinner/ party?

A: Western Culture – the bride’s side; Eastern Culture – the groom’s side. And in some cases the friends or close family hosts the party for the couple. But in all reality, it doesn’t matter. As the years go by, traditions are slowly fading.

Q: Should the guests bring gifts for the couple?

A: Traditionally gifts are not given at an engagement party because this is a party to announce an engagement; the guests predominantly don’t know it is an engagement announcement party.  Besides if gifts were to be given during engagement parties, what are you going to get them on their wedding day?  While traditionally guests have not brought presents to this event, increasing numbers do today. So I suggest you talk amongst your friends and decide whether a gift should be bought or not.. perhaps all friends can chip in on something.

In conclusion,  tradition is a changing. So I advice just play it by ear and see what happens. Just remember to be clear on your intentions and your expectations.

And remember, engagement party doesn’t need to be fancy. I told my friend the same thing. I know how much he wants to make this night memorable and unforgettable for his fiancé, but I reminded him not to over do it – this isn’t the main event (aka the wedding day). So try to create a different mood for the engagement party. There was an engagement party I have attended, the guy proposes to the girl at some place, meanwhile back at the girl’s house all families and friends gathered as we all waited for the newly engaged couples to come back home. So it was a surprise for the bride and the groom did the planning. But we each brought some dessert / finger foods and just congratulated them. It was nice and they were able to celebrate their engagement with close families and friends.

Technorati Tags: engagement, engagement party, etiquette